I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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