i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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