nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
