I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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