Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
