Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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