so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
