Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
