First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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