Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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