we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
