How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
