I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
