I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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