im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
