i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
