we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
