nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
