Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
