I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
