"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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