His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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