Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
