I didn't shave. On purpose
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
