I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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