everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
