already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
