i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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