Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
