Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
