Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
