Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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