why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
