How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
