please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
