Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
