It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
