I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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