It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
