Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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