I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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