I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
