Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
