I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
