I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
