I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
