You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
