i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
