I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
