i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
