There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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